Sunday

MAN WITH 'HORRIFYING' KERRY MASK MISTAKEN FOR REAL KERRY

TRICK-OR-TREATING MAN WAS REBUFFED AT HOME OF DECIDED VOTER: 'SORRY SENATOR, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, I'M VOTING FOR PRESIDENT BUSH'

EDWARDS: MILLWORKER FATHER LEARNED MATH FROM TV, NOT HALLIBURTON

VP CANDIDATE LIMITS BUSH ATTACKS TO NINE DURING DISCUSSION ABOUT MILLWORKING FATHER'S TV MATH LESSONS

KERRY'S FACE ACCIDENTALLY RIPPED OFF BY SECRET SERVICE AGENT

STRONG ADHERENCE TO 'NO HALLOWEEN MASKS' RULE AT RALLY LEAD TO CONFUSION, MISTAKE

Saturday

KERRY ACCUSATION OF ELECTION THEFT ONLY TWO DAYS AWAY

THOUSANDS CAMP OUT AT POLLS, EAGER TO PARTAKE IN CIVIL RESPONSIBILITY OF CASTING LAWSUITS

CIA: 'NEW THREAT-FILLED KERRY TAPE IS AUTHENTIC'

TAPE REPLACES BEHEADING VIDEOS AS 'MOST POPULAR TO BURN AMERICAN FLAGS TO' ON ARAB STREET

AL JAZEERA REPORTEDLY IN POSSESSION OF NEW KERRY TAPE

CIA: 'THREAT-FILLED' TAPE IS AUTHENTIC; TERROR LEVEL TO REMAIN ELEVATED UNTIL BUSH SECURES REELECTION

CIA AUTHENTICATES 'BLOOD WILL RUN IN THE STREETS' TERROR WARNING

MICHAEL MOORE: 'SEE? BUSH CONTINUES TO CREATE AN ATMOSPHERE OF FEAR IN THE ABSENCE OF ANY REAL THREAT'

Friday

OSAMA BIN LADEN RECITES FROM KERRY STUMP SPEECH IN NEW VIDEO

KERRY LAWYERS TAKE BREAK FROM STEALING ELECTION TO CHASE DOWN OSAMA WITH 'THE FIREPOWER OF A FRIENDLY NEGOTIATION OFFER'

JIMMY CARTER IN CRITICAL CONDITION OVER CONCERNS ABOUT ARAFAT'S HEALTH

FORMER PEANUT FARMER MAY SEEK MEDICAL TREATMENT IN CUBA, FAMILY DESCENDS ON GEORGIA COMPOUND

EDWARDS BLASTS BUSH ON EMBRYONIC TERROR CELL RESEARCH

EDWARDS: 'WHEN JOHN KERRY IS PRESIDENT, TERRORISTS LIKE ARAFAT WILL ARISE FROM THEIR DEATHBEDS AND WALK THE CORRIDORS OF THEIR COMPOUNDS IN RAMALLAH AGAIN'

ILL TERRORIST IN FRANCE FOR KIND TREATMENT

ARAFAT RUSHED TO THIRD WORLD EUROPEAN STATE FOR MEDICAL PROCEDURES NOT AVAILABLE IN RAMALLAH INCLUDING MEDICINE, RUST-LESS SYRINGES, SHOWERS WITH SOAP

Thursday

KERRY 'BIG FAN' OF BUSH SUPPORTER KURT SCHILLING

CANDIDATE JOHN KERRY: 'I'VE ALWAYS BEEN, AND WILL ALWAYS BE A RED SOX FAN, GUN NUT, GOOSE HUNTER, AND PARASAILBOARDER... THIS IS JUST ME, I DON'T CHANGE'

JIMMY CARTER IN CRITICAL CONDITION OVER ARAFAT HEALTH CONCERNS

FORMER PEANUT FARMER COLLAPSES AT GEORGIA COMPOUND, MAY SEEK MEDICAL ASSISTANCE IN CUBA

MANNY RAMIREZ BLAMED FOR WORLD SERIES WIN

MVP CLAIMS 'OTHERS HELPED'; ARMOR-CLAD SWAT TEAMS DON BATTLE GEAR, RUSH INTO STREETS TO CELEBRATE BOSTON VICTORY

Wednesday

DNC REPORT: MYSTERY VOTING BLOC SUPPORTS KERRY

DNC CLAIMS BOISTEROUS BUSH HATERS, LOUD MICHAEL MOORE FANS, AND SCREAMING ANTI-WAR PROTESTERS COMPRISE POWERFUL 'SILENT MAJORITY'

BUSH EXPLAINS JOB RESPONSIBILITIES TO PRESIDENT SELF-ELECT KERRY

SAYS BEING PRESIDENT IS 'MORE THAN JUST HUNTING, CYCLING, WINDSURFING, SKIING, SNOWBOARDING, PANDERING, BOTOX, AND LANCE ARMSTRONG BRACELETS'

Tuesday

'MANLY' VERSION OF KERRY RELEASED TO PUBLIC

NEW KERRY VOWS TO 'KILL TERRORISTS' AND 'NOT LET FRANCE HAVE THEIR WAY WITH US'; SHIFT AWAY FROM 'SENSITIVE WAR ON TERROR' MOVES KERRY CLOSER TO WINNING ELECTION RECOUNT

KERRY BREAKS FROM CAMPAIGN FOR 'PRIVATE' RHINO HUNT

KERRY AND POOL OF REPORTERS SEEK SOLITUDE ON AFRICAN SAFARI

'OCTOBER SURPRISE': SEN. JOHN KERRY MAY POSSIBLY BE ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

 

CITIZEN OPTS OUT OF P. DIDDY'S VOTING CAMPAIGN

FUNERAL TO BE HELD FRIDAY

CBS: EXPLOSIVES 'VANISHED' BEFORE TROOPS ARRIVED

KERRY: 'WE ALL KNOW CBS IS BIASED, BUSH SHOULD HAVE INVADED IRAQ EARLIER TO PROTECT EXPLOSIVES'

KERRY DENOUNCES POLITICIZING FROM WHITE PULPITS

WITH 'REVEREND' JACKSON, 'RELIGIOUS' KERRY URGES SEPARATION OF WHITE CHURCHES AND STATE

Monday

BUSH PARDONS GOP POLL BULLIES

BUSH: 'BY SUPPRESSING THE BLACK VOTE IN HEAVILY DEMOCRATIC PRECINCTS, THESE POLL BOUNCERS WERE FORCEFULLY PROTECTING FREEDOM, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF MY REELECTION'

PROPOSED 'VOTING LICENSE' CHALLENGED

WOULD REQUIRE VOTERS TO KNOW NAMES OF CURRENT PRESIDENT AND CHALLENGER; DEMOCRATS CALL REQUIREMENT 'TOO CONFUSING'

KERRY DOES OBLIGATORY BLACK CHURCH THANG

STUMP SERMON HIGHLIGHTS HIS 'LOVE OF RAP MUSIC, BAGGY CLOTHES, AND GRITS'

Sunday

PITSTOP FOR KERRY BEFORE FLORIDA EVENT

MUCH-NEEDED BOTOX MAINTENANCE PERFORMED; SENATOR ALSO CLEANSED OF RESIDUE FROM 'UNCLEAN' RALLY CROWDS

44 IRAQI SOLDIERS KILLED IN SURPRISE NUISANCE

IRRITATING AMBUSH REPORTEDLY PLANNED BY AL-ZARQAWI; PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE JOHN KERRY SAYS MURDERS ARE 'TERRIBLY ANNOYING'

GORE SENT TO RANT AND RAVE FOR KERRY IN FLORIDA

BUSH CAMPAIGN ASKS FOR COMPLETE NEWS COVERAGE, SAYS IT WILL BE 'NECESSARY TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF KERRY'S PARTY, SWEAT AND ALL'

Saturday

KERRY CLAIMS VICTORY

PRESIDENT SELF-ELECT KERRY: 'IT'S OVER... JOHN EDWARDS' WIFE HAS SUNG'

Friday

KERRY VICTORY PARTY ON HOLD

WHITE CAMPAIGN SPOKESMAN: 'WE FEEL IT WOULD BE UNFAIR TO CELEBRATE BEFORE ALL VOTES ARE COUNTED ON NOVEMBER 1'

KERRY CALLS ELECTION FOR SELF

ENTRENCHED PRESIDENT-SELF-ELECT KERRY CLAIMS NOV. 2 VOTING PLANS ARE 'AN ATTEMPT TO STEAL THE ELECTION AGAIN'

Thursday

LAURA BUSH APOLOGIZES TO HEINZ KERRY

CLASSY APOLOGY FOR 'UNFORTUNATE HASSLE OVER NO BIG DEAL' FURTHER EMBARRASSES CRAZY EUROPEAN KERRY WIFE

JIMMY CARTER MONITORS STRAW POLL AT MOVEON.ORG EVENT

SADDAM WIN VALIDATED; CARTER SAYS ELECTION WAS 'FAIR AND SQUARE, UNLIKE OUR UPCOMING PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION WILL BE'

GUN NUT KERRY ON GOOSE HUNT

KERRY DENIES PANDERING FOR NASCAR GUN DAD VOTE, SAYS 'I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A BIG HUNTER-GUY... GEESE, HORSES, SNAILS, YOU NAME IT...'

MICHAEL MOORE THREAT GROUNDS AIRLINER

EARLY REPORTS ON THREAT UNCLEAR: GROUNDING DUE TO EITHER TERRORIST SYMPATHIZING OR EXCESS TONNAGE

Wednesday

YANKEE STADIUM UPGRADED TO CODE REDDISH ORANGE

YANKS COMMENT ON GAME 7 LOSS TO JOHNNY DAMON: 'WE'RE STILL HIS DADDY'

YANKEES/BOSOX TENSIONS FLARE

BUSH REALLOCATES TROOPS FROM IRAQ FOR GAME 7 TOUR OF DUTY

BUSH PLANS MET WITH OPPOSITION

PLAN TO DISALLOW BLACK VOTE, CANCEL SOCIAL SECURITY FOR ELDERLY, AND MURDER BABIES FOR MORE OIL ANGERS SOME

Tuesday

LIBERAL 'MEN' OUTRAGED OVER EDWARDS PRIMPING VIDEO

MEN CLAIM 'ALL OXYMORONS ASIDE, WE WOULD NEVER VOTE FOR A GIRL WHO SPENDS THAT MUCH TIME ON HER HAIR'

EDWARDS HAIR VIDEO REPLACES BEHEADING VIDEOS IN BAGHDAD STREETS

ISLAMIC MILITANTS GET 'INTIMATE' LOOK AT VP CANDIDATE IN VIDEO OF PRE-PROM PREENING

Monday

PUTIN WARNS OF INCREASED TERROR THREAT IF KERRY ELECTED

KERRY THANKS RUSSIAN PRESIDENT FOR 'SUPPORT OF WORLD LEADERS LIKE HIM'

DEMOCRATS: VOLUNTEER MILITARY SERVICE IN JEOPARDY UNDER BUSH

402-2 CONGRESSIONAL VOTE AGAINST DRAFT CITED

WEEKLY KERRY CAMPAIGN NEWSLETTER ENDORSES BUSH

SAYS 'JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY' LEAD PAPER TO SUPPORT CANDIDATE 'WHO STANDS FOR THINGS'

NEW VOTING MACHINES STILL CONFUSING TO DEMS

JOINT BABY EINSTEIN - FISHER PRICE VENTURE TO SIMPLIFY VOTING FALLS SHORT; DEMS STILL BEWILDERED BY PROCESS, CLAIM 'DISENFRANCHISEMENT'

EARLY VOTING BEGINS TODAY

ABC MEMO URGES KERRY TO RESCIND CONCESSION TO BUSH, BEGIN LEGAL MANEUVERING

EARLY VOTING BEGINS TODAY (more...)

DEMOCRATS PACK BUSES FULL OF 'REGISTERED' CEMETERY RESIDENTS FOR EARLY TRIP TO POLLS

Sunday

POLL: YANKEES WIN ON STYLE, SUBSTANCE

POINTS ASIDE, YANKEES CLEAR WINNER OF POSTSEASON BASEBALL MATCH

KERRY CAMPAIGN RE-TOOLED AFTER DROP IN POLLS

CLINTON PEOPLE GRANTED RAISES TO 'FOSTER LOYALTY', FOOD TASTER HIRED, CANDIDATE TO REPLACE ONE LANCE ARMSTRONG BRACELET ON WRIST WITH TWO

NY TIMES PICKS KERRY IN SURPRISE ENDORSEMENT

BUSH 'SADDENED' BY NEWS; PRESIDENT WAS WIDELY ANTICIPATED TO BE FIRST REPUBLICAN ENDORSEMENT IN 90 YEARS

Saturday

NEW POLL DISAPPOINTING TO KERRY

KERRY TRAILS BY 110 POINTS IN POLL AT BUSH EVENT IN FLA

Friday

CHENEY COMMENTS ON ELIZABETH EDWARDS' SHAME

'I UNDERSTAND ELIZABETH'S SHAME... HER HUSBAND IS AN AMBULANCE-CHASING EMPTY SUIT', SAYS MARY CHENEY

UNDECIDEDS CRAMMING FOR ELECTION

STRESS EXACERBATED BY POSSIBLE 'SURPRISE GLOBAL TEST' AFTER ELECTION

Thursday

BREAKING: CONDI RICE WILL RUN FOR WHITE HOUSE IN '04

NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER SAYS SHE LOOKS FORWARD TO RUNNING AGAINST ONE OF TWO POSSIBLE FEMALE OPPONENTS: HILLARY CLINTON OR JOHN EDWARDS

KERRY NIXES O'REILLY APPEARANCE

CITES 'UNEASINESS' WITH ALLEGED CLINTONESQUE BEHAVIOR

MICHAEL MOORE DEFENDS HIS PATRIOTISM: 'I'M IN TUNE WITH AMERICA'

'RIGHT-WING ORGANIZATIONS LIKE THE NEW YORK TIMES AND MOVEON.ORG ARE OUT OF TOUCH' SAYS OUT-OF-TUNE-AND-SHAPE FILM MAKER

JIMMY CARTER TO COUNSEL PERVERT O'REILLY

FORMER PREZ: 'I CAN RELATE TO BILL'S LUSTING IN HIS HEART AFTER IMMORAL WOMEN AND THEIR WARES... I CAN HELP HIM'

ELIZABETH EDWARDS CONFRONTS 'SHAME'

EDWARDS: 'THE CHENEY'S LOVE THEIR DAUGHTER, EVEN THOUGH SHE IS SHAMEFULLY GAY... NOT UNLIKE MY HUSBAND SEEMS TO LOVE ME, EVEN THOUGH I'M FAT'

HEINZ KERRY OUTRAGE: I'M ONE OF THE 'STRONG WOMEN IN JOHN'S LIFE'

MS. HEINZ INSISTS SHE STANDS NEXT TO HER MOTHER-IN-LAW AND LAURA BUSH AS ONE OF THE 'STRONG WOMEN' IMPACTING JOHN KERRY'S LIFE

BUSHANDSAUDIS.COM PROMPTS NEW GOP PROJECTS

ANTI-BUSH WEBSITE COUNTERED BY: KERRYANDSADDAM.COM AND DEMOCRATSANDBS.COM

KERRY ON RELATIONSHIP WITH WIFE: 'I LOVE MY MOTHER'

ALSO: CONCERNS ABOUT KERRY'S 'INTEGRITY' PROMPTS DEATH-BED TONGUE LASHING FROM MOTHER

CHARGE: O'REILLY 'FORCED' PHONE SEX ON PRODUCER

UNABLE TO ESCAPE O'REILLY'S ELECTRONIC STRANGLEHOLD, ALLEGED VICTIM ENDURED HOURS OF BRUTAL TREATMENT

KERRY OUTS CHENEY DAUGHTER AS LESBIAN

BUSH RETURNS FAVOR, OUTS KERRY AS WEAK-ON-DEFENSE SOCIALIST FLIP-FLOPPER

BUSH DOMINATES DEBATE IN ANOTHER 'TIE'

PUMMLED BY BUSH 'SUBSTANCE', KERRY SURVIVES ON STYLE, BIG WORDS

Wednesday

KERRY ON HEALTHCARE COSTS: 'I SERVED IN VIETNAM'

KERRY MID-DEBATE PAUSE ASSUMED TO BE EXPOSE ON HEALTHCARE LEGISLATION AUTHORED DURING SENATE CAREER

KERRY: I DISAGREE THAT IT WOULD BE 'A SIN' TO VOTE FOR ME

KERRY COMMENT PROMPTS BUSH TO ALLEGE THAT SEN. KERRY IS 'OUT OF THE MAINSTREAM AGAIN'

CANDIDATES PAUSE TO REMEMBER CHRISTOPHER REEVE

Submitted By: Allan McGregor ST. LOUIS (AP) Both presidential candidates paused in their campaigns to honor Christopher Reeve who died in his home this morning. President Bush speaking to a packed crowd at Fulbright Auditorium had this to say. “This afternoon we send our thoughts and prayers to the Reeve family. Their grief should be lessened by the knowledge that Christopher will be remembered not as just an actor, but as a man of character who faced his adversity with strength, courage and an undying hope. His fight will serve as an inspiration to Americans for years to follow. May our loving God comfort the family today.” Across town, Sen. Kerry speaking at a union meeting of the AFL-CIO had this to say, “ I was a quadriplegic once. Back in Vietnam. I remember it like yesterday. Piloting my Swift boat up the Mekong using only my mouth to steer it. VC shooting at us everywhere. Unable to duck. I still have nightmares.” President Bush moves on to Aspen, Co. to try to hold onto to the electoral votes in that state, while Sen. Kerry will be making his fifth stop in as many weeks to Ohio, speaking to steel workers in Canton on Monday.

UNDECIDEDS ASK FOR MORE TIME

CITE NEED TO PARSE 'CONFUSING SIMILARITIES' BETWEEN BUSH, KERRY

FLORIDA BATTERED BY HURRICANE POSTCARD PARODIES

SUNSHINE STATE STILL UNCOVERING FROM STORM OF 'FUNNY' POSTCARDS, INTERNET GRAPHICS

WHITE CHILD MOLESTER SHOCKED BY BLACK RAPPER

MICHAEL JACKSON OUTRAGED AT EMINEM'S PORTRAYAL OF HIM IN NEW VIDEO

Tuesday

JIMMY CARTER TO MONITOR U.S. ELECTIONS

NOBEL PRIZE-WINNING PEANUT FARMER WILL OVERSEE ELECTIONS FROM MOUNTAINTOP IN COLORADO

BREAKING: RESEARCHER LAYS CLAIM TO KERRY IRAQ WAR STANCE DISCOVERY

 

NATION'S LAWSUITS ON HOLD AS ELECTION NEARS

LAWYERS NOT YET RETAINED BY KERRY CHARGING PREMIUM FOR SERVICES

Monday

7-11 CANDIDATE CUPS SET FOR DEBATE

KERRY CUP SAYS EQUAL HEIGHT UNFAIR, ASKS TO STAND ON COASTER TO 'BETTER REPRESENT MY MORE STATUESQUE IMAGE'

KERRY, EDWARDS CALL IT QUITS

DEM DUO STILL TO RUN TOGETHER, BUT SLEEP IN SEPARATE BEDS

KERRY HAS PLAN TO CEASE FLIPFLOPPING

PLAN INVOLVES SCRUBBING OF CONGRESSIONAL RECORD, RE-VISITING OF HISTORICAL QUOTES

Sunday

PTD HEADLINE ARCHIVE I

Saturday

PTD HEADLINE ARCHIVE II

Friday

PTD HEADLINE ARCHIVE III