POPE APPEARS AT WINDOW

YOUNG CATHOLIC GIRLS SCREAM, FAINT AS PONTIFF APPEARS, WAVES

JURY SEATED FOR WHACKO JACKO PERVERT TRIAL

DEFENSE MIFFED OVER LACK OF WHITE-COLORED BLACK PEOPLE ON JURY; CLAIMS 'THESE ARE NOT JACKO'S PEERS'

ITALIAN JUDGE ISSUES STAY IN POPE'S RIGHT TO DIE CASE

VATICAN: FEEDING TUBES NECESSARY TO PREVENT 'DIGNIFIED TWO-WEEK DEATH PROCESS FROM STARTING'

NY PUBLIC SCHOOL CHILDREN VOICE CONCERNS OVER IRAQ WAR

3RD GRADER PENS LETTER, ACCUSES TROOPS OF 'UNCONSCIONABLE IMPLEMENTATION OF A NEOIMPERIALISTIC DOCTRINE'

BUSH TRAVELS TO MANHATTAN SOCIAL EVENT TO HEAL WOUNDS

PRESIDENT BUSH WILL LEAVE NY FOR ATLANTA TOMORROW, TO 'MEND FENCES' WITH CNN ANCHORS

HILLARY CLINTON PROBABLY NOT ANTICHRIST

NY SENATOR REMOVED FROM LIST OF 'POSSIBLE ANTICHRISTS' DUE TO 'FEMALE CHARACTERISTICS'

KIM JONG IL INVITES JIMMY CARTER BACK FOR 'ANOTHER TRY'

JONG IL: ORIGINAL NUCLEAR NON-PROLIFERATION AGREEMENT AS ATTEMPT TO 'PULL ONE OVER ON THE PEANUT GUY'

HOWARD DEAN TAKES DNC HELM

POLICE HALT SUICIDE PACT ORGANIZED BY 'DEMOCRATS HOLDING OUT HOPE FOR THEIR PARTY'

'PRESIDENT CONDI' TALK EXPLODES AS RICE EMASCULATES FORMER SECRETARIES OF STATE

HILLARY CLINTON: 'I'M NOT SURE EVEN I AM MANLY ENOUGH TO RUN AGAINST HER'

DONOVAN MCNABB OUT-QUARTERBACKED BY RUSH LIMBAUGH

ONE OF MCNABB'S FEW SUPERBOWL COMPLETIONS WAS CHANCE TO PASS UP OPPORTUNITY TO PROVE RUSH LIMBAUGH WRONG

DEMS VOID OF STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH EXIT STRATEGY

ANONYMOUS DNC SPOKESMAN: 'IT'S BECOME A QUAGMIRE FOR US... OUR REAR ENDS ARE STILL PULSATING IN SHADES OF BURGUNDY FROM BUSH'S SPEECH THE OTHER NIGHT'

DEMOCRATS EMERGE FROM BEHIND WOODSHED TO GIVE THOUGHTS ON STATE OF UNION

TED KENNEDY: 'WAS IT NECESSARY FOR THE PRESIDENT TO PULL MY PANTS DOWN AND SPANK ME ON MY BIG FAT BACK DOOR LIKE THAT?'

UPCOMING 'STATE OF THE DEMOCRATS' SPEECH MAY BE SCREAMED

ASCENSION OF HOWARD DEAN TO DNC CHAIRPERSONSHIP PROMPTS AUDIO TEAM TO 'RE-EQUALIZE' AMPLIFICATION SYSTEM IN PREPARATION FOR SPEECH

BUSH TO PUSH FOR MANNED MISSION TO MASSACHUSETTS IN STATE OF UNION SPEECH

EXPLORATION OF ALIEN STATE TO BE DESCRIBED AS 'NECESSARY, DESPITE DANGERS'