RESTAURANT REFUSES TO SERVE FLORIDA SUPREMES

BRAIN DEAD COURT TO SEEK FEDERAL RELIEF

INDO EARTHQUAKE PROVIDES NEW BOOK TOUR OPPORTUNITY FOR CLINTON

FORMER PREZ MULLS SECOND EARTHQUAKE RELIEF TOUR 'IN COINCIDENTAL CONJUNCTION WITH PREVIOUSLY SCHEDULED BOOK SIGNING EVENTS'

GAS PRICES JUMP TO NEAR-EUROPEAN LEVELS

SUV TANK-FILL COSTS APPROACH NEAR-MORTGAGE PAYMENT LEVELS

TED KENNEDY'S FEEDING TUNNEL TO BE REMOVED

MASS. SENATOR IN 'PERSISTENT BLOVIATIVE STATE'; CAMELOT ATTORNEY SAYS DEATH BY STARVATION WILL RESULT AFTER HUMONGOUS BODY DEVOURS ITSELF

SADDAM A 'WALL FLOWER' AT ANNIVERSARY BASH

JAILHOUSE CELEBRATION OF SECOND ANNIVERSARY OF IRAQ WAR ENJOYED BY MOST IN ATTENDANCE

RHENQUIST BACK TO BENCH, PRETTY MUCH

CHIEF JUSTICE WILLIAM REHNQUIST TO 'HEAR' ORAL ARGUMENTS VIA SUPREMECOURT.GOV CHAT ROOM, WILL POST OPINIONS IN PERSONAL BLOG

BALLPLAYERS GRILLED ON STEROID, FLAX SEED OIL USE

USERS FIRE BACK, GRILL SENATORS ON CONGRESSIONAL USE OF WEIGHT-GAIN SUPPLEMENTS

ROBERT BLAKE ACQUITTED OF THE MURDER HE COMMITTED

BLAKE'S ALIBI OF 'I COULDN'T HAVE KILLED HER, I WAS IN THE CAR LOOKING FOR MY GUN' WAS AIRTIGHT SAYS JURY

BRIAN NICHOLS APPEARS BEFORE LIVE JUDGE

PRISON GUARD STAFF 'BEEFED UP' WITH CONSCIOUS SECURITY CAMERA MONITORS, STRONGER FEMALE ESCORT

WHACKO 'MICHAEL JACKSON' JACKO ARRIVES LATE TO COURT

BLAMES LATENESS ON SORE PROSTHETIC BACK

PRESIDENT BUSH LECTURES FATHER ABOUT CHOICE OF FRIENDS

SAYS 'NO FRIENDS ARE BETTER THAN THE WRONG FRIENDS'; CONCERN OVER BILL CLINTON'S PRESENCE AT ANNUAL BUSH FAMILY GATHERING

EXPERTS WARN DEMOCRATS AGAINST 'TACKING TO THE LEFT' IN FUTURE ELECTIONS

CITE RISK OF 'BLOODYING THEIR NOSES AGAINST THE LEFTERN-MOST WALL OF REALITY'

'MEDIA BIAS METER' NEEDLE SWINGS WILDLY TO THE RIGHT

DAN RATHER DEPARTURE THREATENS TO MOVE MEDIA BALANCE CLOSER TO 'MODERATE LEFT'

TERESA HEINZ HEINZ BLAMES REPUBLICANS FOR CURRENT HUSBAND'S ELECTION LOSS

GEORGE W. BUSH 'JEALOUS' OF FATHER'S BLOSSOMING FRIENDSHIP WITH CLINTON

ELDER BUSH: 'DESPITE HIS MANY FLAWS, SLICK WILLY IS LIKE A SON TO ME'

FORMER DEAN SUPPORTER TO JOIN SOCIAL SECURITY DEBATE

AL GORE TO REINTRODUCE 'LOCKBOX'; SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE PREPS CAST FOR SKITS

MARTHA STEWART: 'I'LL SURVIVE'

HOMEMAKING GURU TO 'PAY DEBT TO SOCIETY' UNDER HOUSE ARREST AT SPRAWLING MANSION ESTATE

SUPREME COURT RULES AGAINST SPANKING FOR JUVENILE MURDERERS

SYMPATHY, USE OF NAUGHTY CHAIR ENCOURAGED AS 'LESS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL' PUNISHMENT