Friday
REPUBLICANS WEIGH STRATEGIES OF ATTACK AGAINST CANDIDATES OBAMA, McCAIN
Tuesday
MASSIVE POWER OUTAGES HIT FLORIDA
FLORIDA POWER CO: BLACKOUT CAUSED BY OVERWHELMING INTERNET DEMAND FOR PICS OF OBAMA IN AL QUEDA GARB
Monday
HILLARY CHASTISES STAFF FOR RELEASE OF OBAMA PHOTO
SEN. CLINTON: 'I WAS PERSONALLY OUTRAGED WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT MY STAFF HAD LEAKED THAT UNDOCTORED PHOTO OF BARACK IN AN ISLAMIC TERRORIST-TYPE HEADDRESS'
HILLARY RUNNING OUT OF STRATEGIES
CLINTON CAMPAIGN INSIDER: ONLY REMAINING OPTIONS ARE PULLING SEN. OBAMA'S HAIR, PLACING FLAMING DOG DROPPINGS AT FRONT DOOR
Saturday
McCAIN LOOKS TO BALANCE AGE, IDEOLOGY WITH VEEP PICK
MAY CHOSE 12 YR OLD PRESIDENT OF DALLAS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL'S YOUNG REBULICAN CLUB AS RUNNING MATE
Friday
CLINTON CAMPAIGN 'PLEASANTLY SURPRISED' BY GOOD NEWS
HILLARY GREETS 'GOOD NEWS' THAT LATEST OBAMA RALLY DRAWS THOUSANDS, BUT FAILS TO BREAK ANOTHER RECORD
Thursday
SUPPORTERS OF OBAMA'S ORATORICAL SKILLS FILL ARENA
SAY THEY 'LOVE THE PASSION WITH WHICH BARACK RECITES THE WORDS OF HIS SPEECH WRITER'
Wednesday
CLINTON: 'OBAMA'S RHETORIC ISN'T HIS OWN, IT'S MINE, PLAGERIZED'
SEN. OBAMA ANSWERS CHARGE, SAYS 'HILLARY'S RHETORIC ISN'T HER OWN, IT'S MINE, PLAGERIZED'
Tuesday
FIDEL CASTRO RESIGNS POWER
DECEASED CUBAN DICTATOR CEDES POWER, CITES DESIRE TO 'SPEND MORE TIME IN MY GRAVE'
Sunday
McCAIN ANSWERS TOWN HALL ATTENDEE'S CONCERN ABOUT HIS TEMPER
SEN. McCAIN: '%#@!& YOUR %$#@& YOU &$@#(^% AND #$$^%^ TEMPER, YOU #@$^@!#%'
Friday
SEN. OBAMA SPEAKS OUT ON ILLINOIS CAMPUS MASSACRE
FRONT-RUNNING DEMOCRAT PLEDGES TO DO 'WHATEVER IT TAKES TO ELIMINATE GUNS, AND I GUESS GUN VIOLENCE'
PENTAGON PREPARES TO SHOOT DOWN CLINTON CAMPAIGN
SPOKESMAN: 'WITH THAT THING FLOATING UNCONTROLLABLY OUT IN SPACE, THE POSSIBILITY OF IT CRASHING TO EARTH POSES A SIGNIFICANT RISK TO OUR PLANET'
Thursday
OBAMA LASHES OUT AT 'BELOW-THE-BELT TACTICS'
SEN. CLINTON SAYS REFERENCE TO SEN. OBAMA AS 'JESSE HUSSEIN JACKSON' WAS HONEST MISTAKE
Tuesday
CLINTON FACES LOSS OF ENTIRE LIFE'S HOPES AND DREAMS IN POTOMAC PRIMARIES
ONLY AVAILABLE REMAINING STRATEGIES INCLUDE WEATHER MANIPULATION OR INVENTION OF TIME MACHINE
Monday
U.N. EXPRESSES 'CONCERN' OVER U.S. PRESIDENTIAL RACE
U.N. SECURITY COUNCIL WARNS: HILLARY CLINTON MAY BE 'WEEKS AWAY' FROM ACQUIRING, USING WMD
Sunday
CLINTON CAMPAIGN UNRAVELLING
CLINTON CAMPAIGN MANAGER TO SEN. OBAMA: 'PLEASE HIRE ME, I'LL WORK FOR FREE FOR YOU TOO'
Saturday
HILLARY PULLS OUT OF MSNBC DEBATE
SEN. CLINTON 'OUTRAGED' BY RUMOR THAT NBC JANITOR'S BABYSITTER LISTENS TO LIMBAUGH, HANNITY
Friday
JOHN McCAIN CAMPAIGN JOINS TREND, CLAIMS SHORT ON CASH
SEN. McCAIN FRAGRANTS SELF WITH COLONGNE ADS FROM MAGAZINES; CAMPAIGN STAFF ACCEPTING PAY 'IN McCAIN AUTOGRAPHS AND FAMILY HEIRLOOMS'
Wednesday
CLINTON CAMPAIGN DOWN TO $14.68
SEN. HILLARY CLINTON BLAMES LACK OF FINANCIAL SECURITY ON 'MY BEING SUPPRESSED BY THE BLACK MAN'
Tuesday
CAMPAIGN IRREGULARITIES ABOUND ON SUPER TUESDAY
REPUBLICANS CRY FOUL AS DEMOCRAT SEN. JOHN McCAIN SWEEPS GOP PRIMARY STATES
JOHN McCAIN PROJECTED WINNER
WITH ONLY 0% OF POLLS REPORTING, PREVENTTRUTHDECAY.COM PROJECTS GOP PRIMARY LANDSLIDE FOR DEMOCRAT SEN. JOHN McCAIN
McCAIN OFFERS CONCESSION FORMS TO ROMNEY, HUCKABEE
DEMOCRAT AND REPUBLICAN PROTESTERS PREP FOR McCAIN INAUGURATION
Monday
McCAIN PROMISES BALANCED TICKET
OFFERS VEEP SPOT TO NEMISIS RUSH LIMBAUGH TO 'BRING TICKET BACKTO THE CENTER'
Sunday
SUPER TUESDAY LOOMS
McCAIN CONTINUES TO CAMPAIGN DESPITE HAVING 'LOCKED UP' NOMINATION AND GENERAL ELECTION