MORE CUTS AT STARBUCKS

OVERPRICED COFFEE VENDOR TO CLOSE STORES 'IN MALLS WITH MORE THAN FIVE STARBUCKS'

OBAMA TO RESTORE 'THE ENTIRETY OF CIVIL LIBERTIES REMOVED BY BUSH'

CIVIL PASSENGERS WELCOME LIBERTY TO ONCE AGAIN CARRY NAIL CLIPPERS ON PLANES

BLAGO CONTINUES MEDIA BLITZ

DISGRACED GOV WILL NEXT APPEAR ON JERRY SPRINGER, THEN AMERICA'S MOST WANTED

RELEASED GITMO DETAINEE BECOMES AL QUEDA COMMANDER

ABU SUFYAN AL-AZDI AL-SHAHRI CITES EVENTUAL ASPIRATIONS TO U.S. PRESIDENCY

OBAMA ORCHESTRATES PEACE PACT BETWEEN ISRAEL, ARABS

SAYS HE EXPECTS IT TO LAST 'THREE AND A HALF YEARS OR SO'

OBAMA INAUGURATED

HILLARY CLINTON MENTIONS ABSENCE OF 'CLOUDS PARTING' AND 'HEAVENS OPENING', SAYS
'I'M JUST SAYING'

OBAMA PLANS 'DOWN TO EARTH' INAUGURATION

NIXES PLAN TO ENTER INAUGURAL STAGE BY 'DESCENDING FROM HEAVEN WITH A SHOUT'

PLANE LANDS IN HUDSON

AL SHARPTON RUSHES TO CRASH SITE, JUMPS IN WATER FOR TV COVERAGE OPPORTUNITY

OBAMA: SOME CAMPAIGN PROMISES MAY HAVE TO WAIT

CITES NEED TO DELAY 'HOPE', 'CHANGE', AND 'YES WE CAN'

OBAMA SETS LOW BAR FOR ECONOMIC RECOVERY

SAYS ECONOMY MAY 'GET SO BAD, THE END OF THE WORLD MAY OCCUR WITHOUT NOTICE'

OBAMA TAPS LEON PANETTA TO HEAD CIA

WILL ALSO REPLACE DEFENSE SECRETARY WITH EITHER RONALD McDONALD OR BIG BIRD

CNN STRETCHES FOR FAIRNESS IN REPORTING GAZA CRISIS

NETWORK WILL 'AVOID OVER-EXPOSURE OF CIVILIAN VICTIMS', CANCELS FIVE MINUTE 3 A.M. SPECIAL SHOWCASING INJURED ISRAELI CHILDREN

ISRAEL LAUNCHES DEFENSIVE ATTACK ON HAMAS

FRANCE CONDEMNS, QUESTIONS CONCEPT OF 'DEFENDING ONE'S HOMELAND'

U.S. RINGS IN 2010

PRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA SAYS 2009 OUTLOOK 'TOO GRIM', DECIDES TO SKIP YEAR