Saturday
WILL BEGIN HOSTING DEBATES BETWEEN SARAH PALIN, BOBBY JINDAL 'IN WEEKS'
Tuesday
CONTROVERSIAL OBAMA SPEECH EXCERPT LEAKED
KENYAN-BORN U.S. PRESIDENT EXPECTED TO SAY 'MY FELLOW AMERICANS,'
Monday
ECONOMY CONTINUES TO INFURIATE
NERVOUS INVESTORS MOVING MONEY OUT OF GOLD, INTO PRECIOUS MACH III RAZORS
Tuesday
Thursday
WHITE HOUSE UNDER PRESSURE TO BRING BACK HOPE MISSING SINCE BUSH LEFT
STRESSED-OUT OBAMA DENIED REQUEST TO 'EXIT PRESIDENCY, RETURN TO CAMPAIGNING'
Monday
OBAMA HOLDS TOWNHALL MEETING
FRAZZLED OBAMA MISTAKENLY COMPARES STIMULUS PACKAGE TO JONESTOWN KOOLAID
Saturday
SENATE TO VOTE SOON ON OBAMA'S RECOVERY PACKAGE
DEMOCRATS CALL FOR ADDITIONAL MAINTENANCE TO BILL, CITE NEED FOR MORE STIMULATING PORK