ACLU SUGGESTS REMOVAL OF DECEMBER FROM CALENDAR

CITES ATMOSPHERE OF INTOLERANCE ARISING FROM MONTH 'BEING SATURATED WITH CHRISTMAS CRAP'

BLACK FRIDAY REVEALS SEASON'S TOP PICKS

CONSUMERS DEVOURING TOP GIFTS AT RECORD PACE: XBOX 360, BRATZ 'POLE-DANCING GANSTA' DOLL, DO-IT-YOURSELF REVOLVING DEBT BANKRUPTCY KIT

'SUPER SIZE ME' DIRECTOR ATTEMPTS KRISPY KREME DOCUMENTARY

FUNERAL SERVICES TO BE HELD MONDAY

BUSH SIGNS FEDERAL AID PACKAGE FOR FLORIDA IN WAKE OF COLD FRONT

FEMA RUSHES TO RESCUE FLORIDIANS TRAPPED IN HOMES AS TEMPS PLUMMET INTO MID 50'S; LOOTING WIDESPREAD

SEN. McCAIN PAINTS DIM FUTURE FOR GOP

SAYS PARTY MAY BE IN FOR SERIOUS TROUBLE 'IF THEY END UP BEING STUCK WITH ME'

HOUSE REPUBLICANS FORCE VOTE ON IRAQ SURRENDER

GOP LEADERSHIP: VOTE WILL DETERMINE 'WHO SIDES WITH AMERICA, AND WHO SIDES WITH SUSAN SARANDON'

JURY FINDS ROBERT BLAKE SOMEWHAT RESPONSIBLE FOR WIFE'S MURDER

'LIABLE FOR, BUT NOT GUILTY OF' MURDER VERDICTS BECOMING 'ALL THE RAGE' IN L.A. CELEBRITY SCENE

'BUTTER' MAKER TANGLES WITH VEGETABLE-BASED BIRD CREATOR

UNILEVER CLAIMS 'I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT TURKEY' INFRINGES ON TRADEMARK FOR FAKE BUTTER 'PRODUCT'

MUSLIM RIOTERS REFUSE FRENCH PEACE OFFER

YOUTHS DON'T HAVE FACILITIES FOR FRENCH POWs

NEW TOY ROBOT CAN LEARN ARROGANCE, ANGER

GIFT EXPECTED TO BE 'ALL THE RAGE' THIS CHRISTMAS

DEMOCRATS SUFFER FROM HOUSING BOOM

HOUSING EXPERT: 'MONTHLY HOUSING COSTS ARE QUICKLY OUTPACING WELFARE INCOMES'

FRENCH PRESIDENT SHOWS 'SOLIDARITY' WITH RIOTERS

CHIRAC THROWS CINDER BLOCK THROUGH WINDOW AT PRESIDENT'S RESIDENCE, TORCHES PEUGOT LIMO

FRANCE DECLARES PROGRESS IN ATTEMPT TO DISSUADE RIOTERS

OFFICIALS: ONLY 12,489 CARS TORCHED LAST NIGHT

FRENCH POLICE ATTACK RIOTERS WITH CURFEW

ATTEMPTS TO COMBAT MUSLIM-LOOKING RIOTERS BY 'UNDERSTANDING THEM' FAILS; NEW STRATEGY WILL REQUEST RIOTERS TO GET TO BED EARLIER

FRENCH AUTHORITIES HOPE TO END RIOTING WITH NEW GUN BAN

POLICE WILL DROP WEAPONS, BEGIN 'DISCUSSING DIFFERENCES AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS' WITH MUSLIM-LOOKING RIOTERS

PARIS RIOTS RAGE ON

FRENCH OFFICIALS: RIOTS NEARING 'LA LAKERS NBA CHAMPIONSHIP VICTORY CELEBRATION PROPORTIONS'

HILLARY CLINTON PREPS FOR '08 WHITE HOUSE RUN

SENATOR PLANS TO 'ACT LESS HILLARYISH', CHANGE LOCKS ON SKELETON CLOSET

DEMOCRATS FORCE SENATE INTO SECOND CLOSED SESSION

DEMS TO COMPLETE REMOVAL OF SENATE CHAMBER FURNISHINGS 'LEFT BEHIND AFTER FIRST CLOSED SESSION'

BUSH UNVEILS PLAN TO COMBAT BIRD FLU

SUGGESTED FIRST STEP IS 'ERADICATION OF ALL CHICKENS, INCLUDING MOST DEMOCRATS IN THE U.S. SENATE'