MICHAEL RICHARDS APOLOGIZES FOR 'N' WORD RANT

RICHARDS: 'I'M SORRY I HURT THOSE THAT MISUNDERSTOOD MY JOKE. IT WAS INTENDED FOR BUSH, BUT I BOTCHED IT'

TOM CRUISE, KATIE HOLMES, AND SURI TO WED TODAY

LEVEL SEVEN SCIENTOLOGY WARLOCK TO MARRY TRIO IN CROP CIRCLE AT STONEHENGE

YOKO ONO CONSULTS NOTABLE HAS-BEENS ON SELLING OUT

ADVISES EINSTEIN HEIRS TO MARKET 'THEORY OF RELATIVITY' DOLLS, BIKE HELMETS, AND SHOELACES

DEMOCRATS DEMAND INCREASE IN MILITARY SPENDING

SPEAKER-TO-BE PELOSI: 'WE NEED TO REPLACE OUR TANKS, AIRCRAFT, AND SHIPS... THE ONES WE CURRENTLY HAVE ARE TOO SLOW FOR OUR PLANNED WITHDRAWAL FROM IRAQ'

HILLARY CLINTON WELCOMES AL QUEDA THREAT

SEN. CLINTON: DESTRUCTION OF WHITE HOUSE WOULD PRESENT OPPORTUNITY TO 'REDECORATE THE PLACE IN TIME FOR MY ARRIVAL'

DEMS RE-CLASSIFY IRAQ SITUATION FROM 'WAR' TO 'POLICE ACTION'

PELOSI ORDERS SHIPMENT OF 10,000 FUR HANDCUFFS, 20,000 SPOOLS OF POLICE TAPE TO IRAQ

BRITNEY SPEARS DUMPS 'RAPPER' K-FED

POP STAR SPLITS WITH TEMP KEVIN 'K-FED' FEDERLINE; REPUBLICANS URGE MEDIA TO 'FOCUS ON THIS MOMENTOUS EVENT'

LEGALACTION DAY ARRIVES, DEMS SEEK TO HEDGE ELECTION RESULTS

DNC RETAINS 10,000 LAWYERS, 50,000 GRIEF COUNSELORS, JESSE JACKSON

CNN BOMBSHELL SIDETRACKS GOP ON EVE OF ELECTION

CNN'S JACK CAFFERTY REVEALS BUSH'S 'IRRESPONSIBILITY', 'INCOMPETENCE', AND SHOCKING 1976 DUI ARREST

MULLAH OMAR TO CAMPAIGN IN KERRY'S STEAD

DNC SPOKESPERSON: 'MR. OMAR IS A WAR HERO, HAS SIMILAR VALUES, AND IS MUCH MORE PALATABLE TO DEMOCRATIC VOTERS'

FLORIDA GUBERNATORIAL CANDIDATE ADDRESSES GAY RUMORS

CHARLIE CRIST: 'THE WHOLE THING IS JUST FLABERGASTING, IT'S PROBABLY NOT TRUE'

KERRY'S POLITICAL FUTURE DIMS

SEN. HILLARY CLINTON AXES KERRY FROM SHORT LIST FOR AMBASSADOR TO FRANCE

JOHN KERRY OFFERS EXPLANATION ON 'BOTCHED JOKE'

MASS. SENATOR SAYS 'THIS JOKE WAS NOT INTENDED TO REFLECT ANY UNINTENDED MISINTERPRETATIONS THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN MISCONSTRUED IN REGARDS TO THE NUANCED PARSING OF THE APOLOGY I OFFERED ON WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN, LEFT UN-DEBATED, A HILARIOUS JOKE'

ANN COULTER UNDER FIRE FOR ALLEGED VOTE FRAUD

RIGHT-WING COLUMNIST INVESTIGATED FOR APPARENT ATTEMPT TO THROW PALM BEACH TOWN COUNCIL CAFETERIA JANITOR'S POSITION 'TO THE REPUBLICANS'

DEMS REMOVE KERRY FROM CAMPAIGN TRAIL

ASK 'MORE LIKABLE' MARK FOLEY TO CAMPAIGN FOR MODERATE DEMS IN KEY RACES