Thursday
REUNITED BEATLES NIXED, NOMINEE PREFERS 'A BIGGER ACT, ONE THAT IS MORE SUITABLE TO, UH, OPEN FOR ME'
Tuesday
OBAMA HINTS THAT VP PICK WILL BE 'TO THE RIGHT OF ME'
CAMPAIGN SPOKESPERSON ADVISES ALL POLITICIANS TO BE ON NOTICE, SAYS 'EVERYONE'S IN PLAY'
Saturday
'END TIMES' SCHOLARS: TIMES NEARING END
CITE IRANIAN NUKE THREAT, PEAK OIL CRISIS, AND AL FRANKEN CANDIDACY
Friday
EUROPE DAZZLED BY VISIT FROM U.S. PRESIDENT-APPARENT BARACK OBAMA
DESPERATE McCAIN STAGES WAFFLE HOUSE BRAWL IN ATTEMPT TO REGAIN MEDIA ATTENTION
Wednesday
JOHN EDWARDS DUCKS NATIONAL ENQUIRER'S LOVE-CHILD INQUIRIES
FORMER SENATOR'S EVASION PROMPTS SUSPICIONS OF POSSIBLE AFFAIR, PRODUCTION OF LOVE-CHILD
Tuesday
McCAIN EMBARKS ON OWN WORLD TOUR
MEDIA ENTOURAGE INCLUDING STAR REPORTERS FROM MAD MAGAZINE, AARP NEWSLETTER WILL TRAVEL WITH CANDIDATE TO THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES SUCH AS ARKANSAS, KENTUCKY, D.C.
TROOPS SHUN OBAMA PHOTO OPS FOR FEAR OF REPRISAL
PENTAGON PUSHES 'DON'T-ASK-DON'T-TELL' POLICY TO PROTECT PRO-OBAMA 'SOLDIERS'
Monday
AD: 'EXTRAS' NEEDED FOR PHOTO OP OF TROOPS SUPPORTIVE OF OBAMA
APPLICANTS SUBJECT TO SCREENING PROCESS DESIGNED TO 'WEED OUT INSURGENTS AND OVERLY-MILITANT AL QUEDA TYPES'
Saturday
GAS PRICES DIP ON FEARS THAT GAS PRICES WON'T DROP
SPECULATORS FEAR DECREASE IN CONSUMPTION; AMERICANS FLOCK TO SUVs, PERSONAL TRACTOR TRAILERS AFTER GAS DROPS TO 'RIDICULOUSLY CHEAP' $3.93 NATIONAL AVERAGE
Friday
ENERGY DEPT TO FAST-TRACK SOLUTION TO ENERGY CRISIS
ENERGY SECRETARY: 'WE WILL HAVE A PLAN ON OR NEAR THE PRESIDENT'S DESK NO LATER THAN 3012'
Wednesday
CONGRESS CONSIDERS MULLING SOLUTIONS TO INCREASE OIL SUPPLY
CONSUMERS SEARCH FOR QUICKER RELIEF, FLOCK TO EBAY FOR DO-IT-YOURSELF OIL REFINERY CONSTRUCTION KITS
Monday
OBAMA ENERGY PLAN PROHIBITS OIL DRILLING IN ANWR
DEM NOMINEE: 'DRILLING IS A WASTE OF TIME, WE WOULDN'T GET GAS TO THE PUMPS UNTIL 5 YEARS AGO'
Thursday
IRAN LAUNCHES ROCKETS WITH ABILITY TO REACH ISRAEL
IRANIAN FOREIGN MINISTER SAYS MISSILES ARE 'FOR PEACEFUL, ENERGY-PRODUCING PURPOSES ONLY'
Wednesday
AHMADINEJAD DECLINES OBAMA INVITE TO WHITE HOUSE COFFEE
IRANIAN LEADER 'UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE LATE NIGHT PHONE CALLS', THREATENS RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U.S. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE
Tuesday
SEN. OBAMA'S DIPLOMATIC POLICY QUESTIONED
DEM NOMINEE CRITICIZED FOR PLANS TO 'MEET WITH THE LIKES OF AHMADINEJAD, CASTRO, AND THE CLINTONS'
Saturday
OBAMA SHIFTS POSITION ON IRAQ
SAYS HE INTENDS TO EXPAND IRAQ WAR SCOPE, MAY CONSIDER INVADING IRAN, SYRIA, AND RUSSIA FOR THEIR OIL