Tuesday

BUSH STATE OF THE UNION REBUTTED BY OPPOSITION PARTY

DEMOCRATIC RESPONSE TO BUSH SPEECH DELIVERED BY PARTY MAINSTAY CNN

U.N. 'VERY RESOLUTE' ON SUSPENDING IRAN'S NUCLEAR AMBITIONS

SAYS IT WILL ISSUE 'NO FEWER THAN 10 TO 20 STRONGLY-WORDED RESOLUTIONS'

Friday

TED KENNEDY BARRED FROM SENATE FLOOR DURING ALITO DEBATE

FEARS SENATOR MAY TILT SENATE FLOOR SUBSTRUCTURE 'TOO FAR TO THE LEFT'

Thursday

SEN. KENNEDY CAUGHT IN FED'S ONLINE PORN DRAGNET

CLAIMS GOOGLE SEARCHES FOR 'BREASTS' WAS ACTUALLY PERSONAL SEARCH FOR REDUCTION DOCTOR

Wednesday

PALESTINIANS CONSIDER DITCHING FATAH FOR HAMAS IN ELECTION

HAMAS VOWS TO INCREASE WAGES, LIVING CONDITIONS, AND NUMBER OF 12-YEAR-OLD SUICIDE BOMBER BOOTS ON THE GROUND

Monday

MAYOR NEGIN CLARIFIES 'CHOCOLATE CITY' COMMENT

SAYS NEW ORLEANS WILL BE 'OPEN TO PEOPLE OF ALL COLORS - BLACK, YELLOW, AND WHITE DEVIL'

Thursday

BIN LADEN OFFERS TRUCE DEAL WITH AMERICA; DETAILS OF DEAL NOT YET REVEALED

U.S. DEMOCRATS: 'WE'LL TAKE IT.'

Wednesday

WILLIE WONKA TO CAPITALIZE ON MAYOR NEGIN'S COMMENTS

PERMIT TO OPEN CHOCHOLATE SUPERFACTORY IN NEW ORLEANS REJECTED; WONKA PUSHES FOR REVERSE AFFIRMATIVE ACTION EXEMPTION

Saturday

AL-ZAWAHIRI NOT DEAD

DEMOCRATIC PARTY APPLAUDS 'HUGE SUCCESS FOR AMERICAN LIBERALISM'

Thursday

SENATE DEMS FIND CRACK IN ALITO ARMOR

JOE BIDEN: 'GETTING THE WIFE TO CRY WAS ENCOURAGING. IT'LL SOFTEN HIM UP.'

Wednesday

EUROPEANS OFFER INCENTIVES TO IRAN TO HALT NUKE PROGRAM

MULLAHOCRACY REJECTS OFFER OF HALF-OFF HEBREW NATIONAL BALLPARK STYLE FRANKS

Tuesday

BERGDORF GOODMAN BANKS ON DEMOCRATIC ELECTORAL SUCCESS IN '08 WHITE HOUSE RUN

FASHION PEDDLER INTRODUCES PLAID PATTERNED BURKAS AT PARIS FASHION SHOW

Monday

ALITO TRIAL BEGINS

JUDICIARY COMMITTEE DEMOCRATS REQUEST ALITO ATTEND HEARINGS IN HANNIBAL LECHTER GURNEY

Friday

GOD: PAT ROBERTSON IS RETRIBUTION FOR THE LIBERALIZATION OF CHRISTENDOM

TV EVANGELIST BLAMES ALMIGHTY'S CRITICISM OF SELF ON RECENT 'CUSS WORD SLIP-UP'

Thursday

MEDIA PLEDGES REPORT ON 'FACTS, NOT RUMORS OR SPECULATION'

NEW YORK TIMES DROPS TOMORROW'S LEAD STORY ON WINNERS OF '08 AND '12 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS

Tuesday

SENATOR EXPRESSES SORROW AT WEST VIRGINIA MINE MISHAP

SEN. ROBERT BYRD (KKK-WV) 'SADDENED THAT MINE DOESN'T BEAR MY NAME'; PLEDGES TO FIND INDIVIDUALS RESPONSIBLE