IMPORTANT UPDATE

PREVENTTRUTHDECAY.COM IS IN THE PROCESS OF BEING (COMPLETELY) OVERHAULED.  STAY TUNED.

OBAMA STRUGGLES TO MANAGE SPENDING BILLS

ACCIDENTALLY SIGNS THIRD STIMULUS BILL BEFORE SIGNING SECOND

SPEECHWRITER PRANKS OBAMA

PREZ GREETS WIFE WITH TELE-PROMPTED 'GOOD NIGHT' FIRST THING IN MORNING

GOP ANXIOUS TO PUT OBAMA PRESIDENCY TO PASTURE

WILL BEGIN HOSTING DEBATES BETWEEN SARAH PALIN, BOBBY JINDAL 'IN WEEKS'

CONTROVERSIAL OBAMA SPEECH EXCERPT LEAKED

KENYAN-BORN U.S. PRESIDENT EXPECTED TO SAY 'MY FELLOW AMERICANS,'

ECONOMY CONTINUES TO INFURIATE

NERVOUS INVESTORS MOVING MONEY OUT OF GOLD, INTO PRECIOUS MACH III RAZORS

OBAMA SIGNS PORK BILL

WALL STREET CELEBRATES BY SHEDDING MOST OF DOW'S VALUE

WHITE HOUSE UNDER PRESSURE TO BRING BACK HOPE MISSING SINCE BUSH LEFT

STRESSED-OUT OBAMA DENIED REQUEST TO 'EXIT PRESIDENCY, RETURN TO CAMPAIGNING'

OBAMA HOLDS TOWNHALL MEETING

FRAZZLED OBAMA MISTAKENLY COMPARES STIMULUS PACKAGE TO JONESTOWN KOOLAID

SENATE TO VOTE SOON ON OBAMA'S RECOVERY PACKAGE

DEMOCRATS CALL FOR ADDITIONAL MAINTENANCE TO BILL, CITE NEED FOR MORE STIMULATING PORK

DASCHLE OUT

TAX CHEAT WITHDRAWS HHS SECRETARY BID, ORDERS STOP PAYMENT ON IRS CHECK

HILARIOUS BUD LIGHT COMMERCIAL REPORTEDLY FOLLOWED BY STEELERS WIN

PITTSBURGH FANS OVERTURN POLICE CARS, BURN CITY DOWN IN CELEBRATION OF SUPERBOWL WIN

MORE CUTS AT STARBUCKS

OVERPRICED COFFEE VENDOR TO CLOSE STORES 'IN MALLS WITH MORE THAN FIVE STARBUCKS'

OBAMA TO RESTORE 'THE ENTIRETY OF CIVIL LIBERTIES REMOVED BY BUSH'

CIVIL PASSENGERS WELCOME LIBERTY TO ONCE AGAIN CARRY NAIL CLIPPERS ON PLANES

BLAGO CONTINUES MEDIA BLITZ

DISGRACED GOV WILL NEXT APPEAR ON JERRY SPRINGER, THEN AMERICA'S MOST WANTED

RELEASED GITMO DETAINEE BECOMES AL QUEDA COMMANDER

ABU SUFYAN AL-AZDI AL-SHAHRI CITES EVENTUAL ASPIRATIONS TO U.S. PRESIDENCY

OBAMA ORCHESTRATES PEACE PACT BETWEEN ISRAEL, ARABS

SAYS HE EXPECTS IT TO LAST 'THREE AND A HALF YEARS OR SO'

OBAMA INAUGURATED

HILLARY CLINTON MENTIONS ABSENCE OF 'CLOUDS PARTING' AND 'HEAVENS OPENING', SAYS
'I'M JUST SAYING'

OBAMA PLANS 'DOWN TO EARTH' INAUGURATION

NIXES PLAN TO ENTER INAUGURAL STAGE BY 'DESCENDING FROM HEAVEN WITH A SHOUT'

PLANE LANDS IN HUDSON

AL SHARPTON RUSHES TO CRASH SITE, JUMPS IN WATER FOR TV COVERAGE OPPORTUNITY

OBAMA: SOME CAMPAIGN PROMISES MAY HAVE TO WAIT

CITES NEED TO DELAY 'HOPE', 'CHANGE', AND 'YES WE CAN'

OBAMA SETS LOW BAR FOR ECONOMIC RECOVERY

SAYS ECONOMY MAY 'GET SO BAD, THE END OF THE WORLD MAY OCCUR WITHOUT NOTICE'

OBAMA TAPS LEON PANETTA TO HEAD CIA

WILL ALSO REPLACE DEFENSE SECRETARY WITH EITHER RONALD McDONALD OR BIG BIRD

CNN STRETCHES FOR FAIRNESS IN REPORTING GAZA CRISIS

NETWORK WILL 'AVOID OVER-EXPOSURE OF CIVILIAN VICTIMS', CANCELS FIVE MINUTE 3 A.M. SPECIAL SHOWCASING INJURED ISRAELI CHILDREN

ISRAEL LAUNCHES DEFENSIVE ATTACK ON HAMAS

FRANCE CONDEMNS, QUESTIONS CONCEPT OF 'DEFENDING ONE'S HOMELAND'

U.S. RINGS IN 2010

PRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA SAYS 2009 OUTLOOK 'TOO GRIM', DECIDES TO SKIP YEAR

OBAMA AMENDS POLICY AND PROCEDURE MANUAL FOR SECRETARIES OF STATE

NEW POLICY BARS 'RUNNING A PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN' WHILE ON THE JOB

AUTOMAKERS RETURN TO BUSH WITH REQUEST FOR ADDITIONAL MONEY

SAY FUNDS MENTIONED IN THIS MORNING'S PRESS CONFERENCE HAVE 'BEEN SPENT ALREADY'

BLAGO MIRED IN DENIAL

ILLINOIS GOV INSISTS ON 'FULLY EQUIPPED' PRISON CELL 'SO I CAN CARRY OUT MY DAILY DUTIES AS GOVERNOR'

COLEMAN SEEKS TO HALT RECOUNT IN SENATE RACE

FRANKEN LAUNCHES COUNTER-ATTACK, CITES NEED TO CHECK BEHIND BALES OF HAY, IN BARN WHERE RECENT VOTES WERE FOUND

OBAMA ADOPTS CLINTONESQUE DEFENSE

SAYS "IT DEPENDS ON WHAT THE MEANING OF 'MEETING WITH BLAGO AND DISCUSSING CASH FOR A SENATE SEAT' IS"

ILLINOIS GOV WELCOMES PRISON

BLAGOJEVICH SAYS 'SLAMMER TIME IS A PREREQUISITE FOR ADVANCING IN ILLINOIS POLITICS'

COSTLY ENVIRO-FRIENDLY MEASURES LOSE FAVOR IN BAD ECONOMY

BUSINESSES DROP 'GO GREEN' CAMPAIGNS FOR MORE RELEVANT 'TRY TO GO BLACK' EFFORTS

CHRYSLER CEO STICKS IT TO CRITICS

DITCHES PRIVATE JET, BORROWS SPACE SHUTTLE FROM NASA FOR TRIP TO D.C.

AUTOMAKERS AGREE TO GIVE UP MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR SALARIES

CHRYSLER AND FORD CEOS TO WORK FOR $1 A YEAR IF GOV HANDOUT IS APPROVED; GM CEO HOLDS OUT FOR $1.50

ROGUE FAN WAVE ERUPTS DURING COWBOY'S GAME

EARLY REPORTS CITE 2 DEAD, 74 INJURED; TRADITIONAL THANKSGIVING DAY GAME TARNISHED

FALLING HOME PRICES SLIDE TOWARDS PRECIPITOUS PLUMMET

CREDIT CRISIS HAS FIRST-TIME HOMEBUYERS NEARING INABILITY TO AFFORD FREE HOMES

BIG THREE AUTOMAKER CRISIS AFFECTING MANY

GM CEO PETITIONS CONGRESS FOR $75,000 'TO HELP ME GET THROUGH THE DAY'

D.C. PREPARES FOR COSTLY INAUGURATION

CALLS EVENT 'TOO BIG TO FAIL'; BAILOUT FUNDS REQUESTED IN ADVANCE

BAILOUT PLAN CHANGES AGAIN

CONGRESS TO RE-DIRECT BULK OF $700 BILLION TO BUY PENNY WHISTLES AND MOON PIES

AL GORE PREPARES FOR SHIFT TO GLOBAL COOLING HYSTERIA

NEW CLIMATE CHANGE FILM "hturT tneinevnocnI nA" TO BE RELEASED IN MONTHS

OBAMA CAMP VETTING BILL FOR HILLARY CLINTON'S CABINET POST

ASKS FORMER PREZ TO CLARIFY CONFUSING MEANING OF 'IS' COMMENT

HILLARY CLINTON BEING VETTED FOR TOP SPOT IN OBAMA ADMIN

OBAMA AIDES COMB THROUGH CLINTON FAMILY DETAILS, FINANCES, GARBAGE AND HUSBAND'S GIRFRIENDS

COST-CUTING ACCELERATES AT NY TIMES

'NEWS' ORG CANCELS CHRISTMAS PARTY AND EMPLOYEE GIFTS; COMMEMORATIVE OBAMA PLATES TO BE RETURNED

GOP: NEW 'CUTTING EDGE TECHNOLOGIES' BEING CONSIDERED FOR 2012

WILL EXPLORE 'ELECTRONIC MAIL' AND PRODIGY'S CHAT TOOL FOR NEXT ELECTION

DEMOCRATS SEEK GM BOARD SEAT FOR BAILOUT PLAN

AUTO WORKERS UNION ORDERS MORE CHAMPAGNE, PARTY FAVORS

AL-QAEDA DEVELOPS LOW COST DIRTY BOMB

NJ TEST SITE PROVES INDIGENOUS POLLUTANTS EFFECTIVE

CHENEYS TO HOST BIDENS AT VEEP RESIDENCE

LYNN CHENEY TO HAVE TEA WITH MRS. BIDEN; DICK TO TREAT JOE TO 'SHORT BUT PRODUCTIVE' HUNTING TRIP

OBAMA ADMIN SEEKS ADVICE FROM McCDONALDS' FOOD TECHNOLOGISTS

WILL EXPLORE WAYS TO MAKE GOVERNMENT 'MORE ADDICTIVE TO THE MASSES'

REPUBLICANS PURSUE OBAMA'S WEB SAVVY

GOP TO 'EXPLORE THE WORLD WIDE INTERNET WEBS AND THOSE SOCIAL FROLICKING SITES LIKE MYFACE AND SPACEBOOK'

IRAN BRISTLES AT LACK OF LOVE FROM OBAMA

AHMADINEJAD  RECONSIDERS OFFER TO NEGOTIATE WITH NEW U.S. PRESIDENT 'WITHOUT PRECONDITIONS'

OBAMA TRANSITION UNDERWAY

CONSERVATIVE RADIO HOSTS MOVE STUDIOS TO 'UNDISCLOSED LOCATIONS', DECRY LACK OF CHANGE SO FAR

CHENEY AND PALIN COMPARE HUNTING TROPHIES

CHENEY UP 1 LAWYER, PALIN DOWN 2

U.S. RUSHES FOOD AID TO KENYA

SHORTAGE OF CATTLE, GOATS, CHICKENS REPORTED AFTER OBAMA VICTORY SLAUGHTERFEST

OBAMA WINS

KENYAN COMMUNIST WINS U.S. PRESIDENCY

OBAMA WINS

REV. WRIGHT ALLOWED OUT OF CLOSET; KEITH OLBERMANN CONFIRMS OBAMA AS FATHER OF HIS EXPECTED CHILD

DESPERATE McCAIN CHANGES SLOGAN WHILE SOME STILL YET TO VOTE

REFERS TO EXPECTED ELECTION OUTCOME, SAYS 'HOPE FOR CHANGE'

OBAMA SUPPORTER EXPRESSES BUYER'S REMORSE

REGRETS HE ONLY HAS 5 OF 21 VOTES LEFT TO CAST FOR McCAIN

OBAMA CONFIDENT ON EVE OF ELECTION

SAYS 'I TRUST THE PROLETARIAT... I MEAN THE PEOPLE - WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION'

McCAIN TO USE BODY DOUBLE DOUBLE IN LAST CAMPAIGN EVENTS

WILL REPLACE SELF WITH 'YOUNGER, MORE ENERGETIC SEVENTY YEAR OLD LOOK-ALIKE THAT DOESN'T NEED A RED BULL IV'

OBAMA AUNT SPEAKS

ISSUES FAXED MEMO THROUGH OBAMA CAMPAIGN, SAYS LIVING IN SLUM 'IS MY PREFERENCE'; HAS NO DESIRE TO ACCEPT 'ALL OF THE ASSISTANCE THAT BARACK HAS OFFERED ME OVER THE YEARS'

McCAIN TO COMPETE WITH OBAMA HALF HOUR AD BUY

WILL PURCHASE TEN MINUTE CCTV AD IN DEL BOCA VISTA CONDO COMPLEX

POLLS TIGHTEN

2 POINTS SEPARATES McCAIN-PALIN AND OBAMA-MEDIA TICKETS

MEDIA TURNS ON OBAMA

NBC QUESTIONS TIE COLOR DECISION; OBAMA CAMP CONSULTS WITH CLINTONS ON CREATION OF 'WAR ROOM' TO COMBAT NBC ATTACK

OBAMA CANCELS VISIT TO AILING GRANDMOTHER

WILL VISIT IRAN, CHECK IN ON AHMADINEJAD AFTER MILD FAINTING

LIBYA'S GADDAFI OPENS TALKS ANTICIPATING OBAMA WIN

SAYS ' CAN I HAVE MY WMD BACK, PLEASE?'

NEW YORK TIMES ENDORSEMENT RAISES HOPE

McCAIN LAUDS PAPER'S 'KISS OF DEATH' FOR OBAMA

POLLSTERS ADMIT PROBLEM POLLING LIKELY VOTERS

CARTOON CHARACTERS, FELONS, CADAVERS UNREPRESENTED IN SAMPLES

JOE THE PLUMBER: 'OBAMA SCARES ME TO DEATH, HE WILL DRIVE THIS COUNTRY INTO THE GRAVE'

PLUMBER JOE REMAINS 'UNDECIDED'; SAYS HE'LL DECIDE ON ELECTION DAY

OBAMA CAMPAIGN TROTS OUT 'FRANKLIN THE BAKER'

FRANKLIN RAINES' 'COOKED BOOKS' SHOW ALTERNATE PATH TO SUCCESS

NORTH KOREA OFFERS TO PRINT BAILOUT MONEY FOR FED

BERNANKE APPLAUDS COST-CUTTING MEASURE

AYERS TO LEAD IRAN NEGOTIATIONS FOR OBAMA

BILL AYERS: 'I JUST WANT THE FIRST BOMB'

U.S. VOTERS WARNED BY DEM VP ON COMING CRISIS

BIDEN VOWS TO TEST AMERICA WITH ATTACK IF OBAMA IS ELECTED

LARRY KING DENIES BIAS IN LARRY KING LIVE

CITES 'PANEL OF FAIRLY UNBIASED MODERATES' INCLUDING OBAMA CAMPAIGN MANAGER DAVID PLOUFFE, MICHAEL MOORE, AND BARACK OBAMA

COLIN POWELL ENDORSES OBAMA, SAYS RACE NOT A FACTOR

POWELL: 'I AM NOT SUPPORTING HIM JUST BECAUSE HE'S HALF WHITE'

MORE CAMPAIGN MASCOTS FOLLOW JOE THE PLUMBER

OBAMA CAMAPAIGN ROLLS OUT FRANCOIS THE VEGAN AND MOE THE HEAD SHOP CUSTOMER

OBAMA SHAKES UP STAFF AFTER SLIPPAGE IN POLLS

MAY HIRE NEW 'PLUMBER' 'JOE' INVESTIGATION COORDINATOR, FIRE CAMPAIGN STRATEGIST MSNBC

OPTIMISM EMERGES WITH MARKET UP 200 POINTS

DOW DOWN 450 FOLLOWING TYPESETTING OF EARLIER HEADLINE

McCAIN, OBAMA, PLUMBER JOE TANGLE IN LAST DEBATE

HALF OF 'THOUSAND OR SO' PLUMBER JOES REGISTERED BY ACORN CLAIM TO BE McCAIN FRIEND

OBAMA SAYS ACORN 'JUST AN ORGANIZATION THAT LIVES IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD'

VOTER REGISTRATION FRAUD ALLEGED; ORG REGISTERED PHONIES SUCH AS MICKEY MOUSE, BUZZ LIGHTYEAR, AND MICHAEL MOORE

U.S. BANKS SCOFF AT PROPOSED BANK BUYOUT DEAL

SAY THEY WILL BUY U.S. GOVERNMENT INSTEAD

GLOBAL MARKETS SOAR

OBAMA: DOW'S FAILURE TO BREAK 1000 'IS A TESTAMENT TO BUSH'S FAILED ECONOMIC POLICIES'

McCAIN STRUGGLES TO DEMONSTRATE VITALITY, VIABILITY AT AGE 80-SOMETHING

JOGGING FOR CAMPAIGN COMMERCIAL LANDS McCAIN IN D.C. ICU

TERROR LOOMS AS FEAR GRIPS PANIC-STRICKEN INVESTORS

BUSH CALLS FOR CALM, SUGGESTS STRESS RELIEF THROUGH HILARIOUS SATIRE NEWS HEADLINES

MICHELLE OBAMA ANSWERS LARRY KING QUESTION ON HUSBAND'S ALLEGED FRIENDSHIP WITH TERRORIST WILLIAM AYERS

SAYS 'BILL HASN'T BEEN OVER FOR DINNER IN WEEKS' AND RELATIONSHIP FELL APART WHEN 'HE TRIED TO ACT LIKE BARACK NEVER LENT HIM HIS DIXIE CHICKS CD'

PRESIDENTIAL CONTENDERS EXCHANGE BARBS

McCAIN LINKS SEN. OBAMA TO OBAMA WIKIPEDIA BIO; OBAMA LINKS SEN. McCAIN TO WILLIAM McKINLEY ASSASSIN

SEN. McCAIN TAKES GLOVES OFF, INCREASES POLITICAL ATTACKS

SAYS PALIN'S MENTION OF REV. WRIGHT 'IS BEYOND DEPLORABLE, JUST ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING'

OBAMA LAUNCHES OWN 24 CABLE NETWORK

SE. McCAIN TO FOLLOW SUIT, COMPETING NETWORK WILL DEBUT 'BY NOVEMBER THIRD'

FURIOUS McCAIN UNLEASHES ON OBAMA

OUTRAGED GOP CANDIDATE TAKES GLOVES OFF, CALLS SEN. OBAMA 'A REALLY, REALLY GREAT GUY THAT I HAVE TREMENDOUS RESPECT FOR, BUT NOT NECESSARILY THE BEST CHOICE FOR PRESIDENT'

SARAH PALIN DEBATE NETS RECORD VIEWERSHIP

POLL: MOST WILL RE-WATCH PALIN DEBATE ON YOUTUBE DURING NEXT McCAIN-BIDEN DEBATE

KATIE COURIC INTERVIEW CONTINUES TO SHOWCASE PALIN STUPIDITY

NEW SEGMENT SHOWS DUMBSTRUCK PALIN UNABLE TO CITE OPINION ON SENATE'S 1931 CONTROVERSIAL NINTH PARAGRAPH IN MOTION TO ADJOURN NONGERMANE EX OFFICIO QUORUMS AND CLOTURE RESOLUTION

VP DEBATE MODERATOR PULLED FOR PRO-OBAMA BOOK

DEBATE WILL BE SELF-MODERATED BY SEN. BIDEN; McCAIN SUPPORTS 'BI-PARTISAN CONCESSIONS SUCH AS THIS'

DAVID BLAINE SEEKS REDEMPTION AFTER LEAP INTO LOSERDOM WITH STUPID 'DIVE OF DEATH'

MAGICIAN FAILED TO DIVE OR DIE;  WILL ATTEMPT REPUTATION BAILOUT BY MAKING FINANCIAL CRISIS DISAPPEAR IN ABC PRIMETIME SPECIAL

BIDEN RESPONDS TO HILLARY VP RUMORS

BLAMES EIGHT GAFFES IN SINGLE-SENTENCE DENIAL ON ANEURYSM PROBLEMS, SAYS 'I FEEL ONE COMING ON, AND I'LL PROBABLY DIE SOON, BUT THESE RUMORS ARE OUTRAGEOUS'

McCAIN: I'LL ATTEND DEBATE

OBAMA RESPONDS: 'WHAT? OH... UH,... I, ER, ... THINK, UMM... THAT MAYBE WE, UH, SHOULD, I THINK... STAY IN D.C. TO ATTEND TO THE BUSINESS OF THE, UM... PEOPLE'

BIDEN BLASTS BUSH'S SLOW PUBLIC RESPONSE TO FINANCIAL CRISIS

SEN. BIDEN: 'WHEN THE CIVIL WAR BROKE OUT, TRUMAN GOT ON THE INTERNET AND PODCASTED A PEACE PLEA TO THE ARMIES FROM THE EAST AND WEST'

AHMADINEJAD PREGNANT AFTER LARRY KING INTERVIEW

IRANIAN PRESIDENT DENIES RELATIONSHIP WITH ELDERLY JEWISH CNN HOST, REFUSES DNA TEST

OBAMA CAMPAIGN PUTS BIDEN SPEECHES ON SEVEN SECOND DELAY

RNC'S EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT OF BIDEN GAFFE ARCHIVING COLLAPSES FROM EXHAUSTION, RUSHED TO HOSPITAL

KEITH OLBERMANN CUTS MICHAEL MOORE INTERVIEW

MSNBC HOST: 'I WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD IN THE SAME ROOM AS THAT RIGHT-WINGER'

FEDS PUSH MORGAN STANLEY, GOLDMAN SACHS INTO BANKING

FORMER INVESTMENT GIANTS ASKED TO DIVERSIFY INTO RETAIL, ICE CREAM, AND OIL CHANGE INDUSTRIES

OBAMA POSITIONS SELF AS 'CANDIDATE FOR ECONOMIC RECOVERY'

SAYS EXPERIENCE 'NAVIGATING MY BANK'S COMPLEX INTERNET BANKING AND BILL PAY SYSTEM' QUALIFIES HIM TO SOLVE NATION'S FINANCIAL TROUBLES

SENATE DEMS EXCUSE SELVES FROM FINANCIAL CRISIS STRATEGY SESSIONS

INSIST THEY WILL BE 'TOO BUSY WITH A MORE IMPORTANT PROJECT, DOCUMENTING MISPRONUNCIATIONS IN BUSH'S ECONOMIC BAILOUT SPEECH'

HILLARY CLINTON PETITIONS FOR GOVERNMENT BAILOUT

CITES NECESSITY OF PROTECTING THE FINANCIAL STABILITY OF 'THE POOR PEOPLE BEING ASKED PAY OFF MY HUMONGOUS DEBT'

McCAIN ADOPTS, IMPROVES ON OBAMA STUMP LINE

SAYS HE WILL 'BRING REAL CHANGE TO THE BROKEN POLITICS OF BUSH, CHENEY, ROVE, CLINTON, CLINTON, GORE, McCAIN AND PALIN'

OBAMA'S STOCK FALLS ON LEHMAN NEWS

AMERICANS BEGINNING TO REALIZE THAT SOARING TAXES, PLUMMETING INCOMES MAY NOT BE SOLUTION TO NATION'S FINANCIAL CRISIS

HILLARY DENIES ATTEMPTS TO SABOTAGE OBAMA

ENCOURAGES VISIT TO WWW.CLINTON-BIDEN08.COM FOR MORE DETAILS, PROOF OF
INNOCENCE, AND CONTRIBUTION LINK

HILLARY CLINTON FORMS 2012 EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE

NY SENATOR INSISTS SHE'S 'IN IT TO WIN IT' AND 'WON'T BE DISTRACTED FROM HELPING BIDEN WIN IN '08... AND OBAMA TOO'

IKE TO MAKE TEXAS LANDFALL TOMORROW

OBAMA BLAMES FUTURE RESCUE AND CLEANUP FAILURES ON BUSH, McCAIN, AND PALIN

CANDIDATES PLEDGE TO PUT POLITICS ON HOLD FOR 9-11

SEN. OBAMA CALLS FOR 'PAUSE IN THE MUDSLINGING AT AL QUEDA AS WELL'

NATIONAL ENQUIRER ALLEGES OBAMA-OLBERMANN AFFAIR

SEN. OBAMA: 'KEITH AND I ARE JUST FRIENDS, NOTHING MORE, AND CERTAINLY NOTHING LESS'

DEMS STRUGGLE WITH IMAGE AFTER PALIN STORM WRECKS OBAMA CAMP

VP NOMINEE BIDEN TO BE REINTRODUCED AS SQUIRREL HUNTING, SCUBA DIVING LACROSSE DAD AND FUTURE JET SKI RACER

JOE BIDEN REVERSES COURSE ON DEBATE PREP AFTER PALIN PICK

DEM VP FIRES DEBATE TRAINER MIKE TYSON; AIMS FOR SOFTER, LESS BIDEN-ISH APPROACH

OBAMA TAKES BREAK FROM CAMPAIGN

INVITES MEDIA POOL ON MOOSE HUNT IN ALASKA, SAYS TRIP WAS PLANNED 'YEARS AGO'

MEDIA REGROUPS TO REPORT ON AFTERMATH OF HURRICANE PALIN

BOSTON GLOBE RAISES CONCERNS OVER HAIRSTYLE; NY TIMES LEAD STORY ALLEGES TWO POSSIBLE 'SENTENCE STRUCTURE ISSUES' IN PALIN SPEECH

MEDIA REACTS TO PALIN SPEECH

NY TIMES LEAD: 'PROTESTOR'S MESSAGE INTERRUPTED BY PALIN SPEECH'

MEDIA CONTINUE TO QUESTION McCAIN VP PICK

QUESTIONS ABOUT PALIN VETTING PROCESS FAIL TO RAISE QUESTIONS ABOUT ARKANSAS GOV CLINTON VETTING PROCESS

NEW ORLEANS SPARED BRUNT OF HURRICANE GUSTAV

SPIKE LEE LEAVES CITY, CANCELS SEQUEL TO LEVEE 'DOCUMENTARY'; BUSH CRITICIZED

BUSH CRITICIZED FOR GUSTAV RESPONSE TODAY

STORM EXPECTED TO MAKE LANDFALL TOMORROW

NEW ORLEANS RESIDENTS ORDERED OUT IN ADVANCE OF HURRICANE GUSTAV

NEW ORLEANS MAYOR ORDERS BUSES STILL WATER-LOGGED FROM KATRINA TO BE 'DRIED OUT AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE'; BUSH CRITICIZED

McCAIN TAPS ALASKAN GOV PALIN FOR VP

CINDY McCAIN CONCERNED PICK OF BEAUTY QUEEN SIGNALS HUSBAND'S 'LATE LIFE CRISIS'

OBAMA PROMISES NOT TO ASCEND TO HEAVEN FOLLOWING DNC SPEECH

PLEDGES TO REMAIN IN EARTHLY REALM FOR CAMPAIGN AND 'A TERM OR TWO IN THE WHITE HOUSE'

MEDIA PUNDITS: BILL CLINTON DNC SPEECH 'FLAWLESS'

SPEECH TO BE DELIVERED LATER TONIGHT

BILL CLINTON DENIES LACK OF SUPPORT FOR DEM CANDIDATE

X-PREZ PLEDGES HEARTFELT ENDORSEMENT OF SEN. OBAMA; HAS 'NO PROBLEM, I GUESS, WITH THAT BLACK MUSLIM BEING OUR COMMANDER IN CHIEF, DESPITE HIS LACK OF EXPERIENCE'

OBAMA PICKS BIDEN FOR RUNNING MATE

HILLARY CLINTON SWEARS TEXT MESSAGE ANNOUNCEMENT WAS SPAM, INSISTS SHE'S 'STILL IN IT TO WIN IT'

DEMOCRATS' CONVENTION KICKS OFF IN DENVER

SEN. HILLARY CLINTON CALLS FOR 'PARTY UNITY', ASKS OBAMA TO RELEASE HIS DELEGATES AND TO SUPPORT HER WHITE HOUSE BID

McCAIN SEEKS TO PROVE CONSERVATIVE CREDENTIALS

WILL ANNOUNCE VP PICK 'BY SMOKE SIGNAL AND CARRIER PIGEON TECHNOLOGIES'

CONTROVERSY SWIRLS AROUND AGE OF CHINESE ATHLETES

STILL-ATTACHED UMBILICAL CORD PROVES CHINESE GYMNAST ISN'T 16

SEN. McCAIN ISSUES STERN REPRIMAND TO MOSCOW FOR GEORGIA INVASION

OBAMA PAUSES HAWAIIAN VACATION TO CONDEMN HALLIBURTON INVOLVEMENT 'WHATEVER IT MAY BE'

BEIJING KICKS OFF OLYMPICS IN GRAND FASHION

OPENING CEREMONY REFLECTS CHINA'S DESIRE FOR WORLD UNITY, PEACE, AND DOMINATION

RUSSIAN, GEORGIAN MILITARIES CLASH

DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE BARACK OBAMA CALLS FOR RUSSIA TO LEAVE U.S. SOIL, AND FOR SOUTHEAST U.S. TO 'STOP INSTIGATING WAR WITH OTHER COUNTRIES'

SPEAKER PELOSI'S BOOK STRUGGLES ON BESTSELLER LISTS

AMAZON DROPS PELOSI FROM 268,954 TO 269,372 ON NEW WAVE OF BOOK RETURNS

MEDIA CONTINUES IGNORING AFFAIR STORY

BEVERLY HILLS HILTON SECURITY CONFIRMS SEN. OBAMA'S LATE NIGHT VISIT TO NY TIMES ORGANIZATION'S ROOM

ROCK STAR OBAMA SEARCHING FOR CONVENTION OPENING ACT

REUNITED BEATLES NIXED, NOMINEE PREFERS 'A BIGGER ACT, ONE THAT IS MORE SUITABLE TO, UH, OPEN FOR ME'

OBAMA HINTS THAT VP PICK WILL BE 'TO THE RIGHT OF ME'

CAMPAIGN SPOKESPERSON ADVISES ALL POLITICIANS TO BE ON NOTICE, SAYS 'EVERYONE'S IN PLAY'

'END TIMES' SCHOLARS: TIMES NEARING END

CITE IRANIAN NUKE THREAT, PEAK OIL CRISIS, AND AL FRANKEN CANDIDACY

EUROPE DAZZLED BY VISIT FROM U.S. PRESIDENT-APPARENT BARACK OBAMA

DESPERATE McCAIN STAGES WAFFLE HOUSE BRAWL IN ATTEMPT TO REGAIN MEDIA ATTENTION

JOHN EDWARDS DUCKS NATIONAL ENQUIRER'S LOVE-CHILD INQUIRIES

FORMER SENATOR'S EVASION PROMPTS SUSPICIONS OF POSSIBLE AFFAIR, PRODUCTION OF LOVE-CHILD

McCAIN EMBARKS ON OWN WORLD TOUR

MEDIA ENTOURAGE INCLUDING STAR REPORTERS FROM MAD MAGAZINE, AARP NEWSLETTER WILL TRAVEL WITH CANDIDATE TO THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES SUCH AS ARKANSAS, KENTUCKY, D.C.

TROOPS SHUN OBAMA PHOTO OPS FOR FEAR OF REPRISAL

PENTAGON PUSHES 'DON'T-ASK-DON'T-TELL' POLICY TO PROTECT PRO-OBAMA 'SOLDIERS'

AD: 'EXTRAS' NEEDED FOR PHOTO OP OF TROOPS SUPPORTIVE OF OBAMA

APPLICANTS SUBJECT TO SCREENING PROCESS DESIGNED TO 'WEED OUT INSURGENTS AND OVERLY-MILITANT AL QUEDA TYPES'

GAS PRICES DIP ON FEARS THAT GAS PRICES WON'T DROP

SPECULATORS FEAR DECREASE IN CONSUMPTION; AMERICANS FLOCK TO SUVs, PERSONAL TRACTOR TRAILERS AFTER GAS DROPS TO 'RIDICULOUSLY CHEAP' $3.93 NATIONAL AVERAGE

ENERGY DEPT TO FAST-TRACK SOLUTION TO ENERGY CRISIS

ENERGY SECRETARY: 'WE WILL HAVE A PLAN ON OR NEAR THE PRESIDENT'S DESK NO LATER THAN 3012'

CONGRESS CONSIDERS MULLING SOLUTIONS TO INCREASE OIL SUPPLY

CONSUMERS SEARCH FOR QUICKER RELIEF, FLOCK TO EBAY FOR DO-IT-YOURSELF OIL REFINERY CONSTRUCTION KITS

OBAMA ENERGY PLAN PROHIBITS OIL DRILLING IN ANWR

DEM NOMINEE: 'DRILLING IS A WASTE OF TIME, WE WOULDN'T GET GAS TO THE PUMPS UNTIL 5 YEARS AGO'

IRAN LAUNCHES ROCKETS WITH ABILITY TO REACH ISRAEL

IRANIAN FOREIGN MINISTER SAYS MISSILES ARE 'FOR PEACEFUL, ENERGY-PRODUCING PURPOSES ONLY'

AHMADINEJAD DECLINES OBAMA INVITE TO WHITE HOUSE COFFEE

IRANIAN LEADER 'UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE LATE NIGHT PHONE CALLS', THREATENS RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U.S. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

SEN. OBAMA'S DIPLOMATIC POLICY QUESTIONED

DEM NOMINEE CRITICIZED FOR PLANS TO 'MEET WITH THE LIKES OF AHMADINEJAD, CASTRO, AND THE CLINTONS'

OBAMA SHIFTS POSITION ON IRAQ

SAYS HE INTENDS TO EXPAND IRAQ WAR SCOPE, MAY CONSIDER INVADING IRAN, SYRIA, AND RUSSIA FOR THEIR OIL

OBAMA OUTLINES ENERGY POLICY

PLEDGES INDEPENDENCE FROM MIDEAST OIL BY 3024

ISRAEL ASSURES WEST ON IRAN

ISRAELI OFFICIAL: 'NO ATTACK PLANNED ON IRAN THIS WEEK MOST LIKELY'

BICYCLE ACCIDENTS INCREASE

BLAME PLACED ON RISING FUEL COSTS AND BY ASSOCIATION GLOBAL WARMING, BUSH

CITIES PLAN COST EFFECTIVE JULY 4 FESTIVITIES

BERKELY, CA BANS ANY MENTION OF AMERICA 'TO SAVE MONEY'

SENATORS URGE AVERAGE AMERICANS TO 'CONSERVE MORE'

JOHN KERRY SUGGESTS FAMILIES CONVERT MOTORCADE VEHICLES TO HYBRIDS, AND PRIVATE JETS TO THE MORE EFFICIENT GULFSTREAM VI

DEMOCRATS PLEDGE UNITY

CLINTON APPEARS ON STAGE WITH OBAMA, AVOIDS EMBARASSMENT BY SWALLOWING PRIDE, THROW-UP

SAUDIS 'CONCEDE' ON OIL PRICES

OFFER TO CAP PER-BARREL COST AT $250

SEN. OBAMA'S DIPLOMATIC POLICY QUESTIONED

NEW DEM NOMINEE CRITICIZED FOR PLANS TO 'MEET WITH THE LIKES OF AHMADINEJAD, CASTRO, AND THE CLINTONS'

OBAMA TAPS CLINTONS FOR VEEP SPOT

HISTORIC NOMINEE REQUESTS ADDITIONAL LAYERS OF SECRET SERVICE PROTECTION, OVAL OFFICE DOOR DEADBOLTS, FOOD TASTER

CLINTON REQUESTS FACE-TO-FACE MEETING WITH OBAMA

ASKS NEW DEM NOMINEE TO MEET HER 'ALONE' BEHIND D.C. 7-11

CLINTON DROPS OUT

TAPS SELF TO BE OBAMA'S VEEP

CLINTON TO DROP OUT TOMORROW

NY DEM TO ENDORSE JOHN McCAIN FOR PRESIDENT

SEN. OBAMA MEETS WITH JEWISH COMMUNITY

INSISTS HE'S 'NOT REALLY ANTI-SEMITIC' AND PLEDGES NOT TO ATTACK ISRAEL IF ELECTED

CLINTON VOWS TO CONTINUE 'CLEAN FIGHT' FOR NOMINATION

INSISTS AGAIN THAT 'THESE RIDICULOUS ACCUSATIONS THAT OBAMA IS A CRAZY MUSLIM ARE PROBABLY NOT TRUE'

EDWARDS ENDORSES HILLARY CLINTON OPPONENT

SAYS 'BARACK IS THE BEST THAT THIS PARTY HAS TO OFFER, BESIDES ME, AT THIS TIME'

DEMOCRATS SEND DELEGATE TO TELL CLINTON 'IT'S OVER'

DELEGATE'S VIEWING SCHEDULED FOR SUNDAY, MEMORIAL SERVICE TO FOLLOW

CLINTON NEEDS 451 OF AVAILABLE 400 REMAINING DELEGATES TO WIN

FLOATS $6M Of OWN FUNDS TO CAMPAIGN, URGES OBAMA TO DROP OUT

REV. WRIGHT CONTINUES TO PLAGUE OBAMA

WRIGHT PRESS CONFERENCE TO REVEAL 'INTIMATE LATE NIGHT PHONE CALLS' WITH SEN. OBAMA

OBAMA-CLINTON WAR RAGES ON

DOZENS BLOODIED IN LATEST ROUND OF SKIRMISHES; CLINTON MOVES TROOPS TO NORTH CAROLINA

HUCKABEE SURGES BACK INTO NEWS WITH BOOK DEAL

REPUBLICANS PETITION McCAIN TO 'GIVE UP ALREADY, AND DROP OUT'

CBS MAY LEVY AXE ON COURIC

CBS' 'EVENING NEWS' DOWN TO LAST DOZEN VIEWERS

JIMMY CARTER DEPARTS MIDDLE EAST

HAMAS LEADER 'VERY FOCUSED ON CAREER', MULLS ABORTING CARTER'S BABY

ISRAEL ON HEIGHTENED ALERT FOR PRESIDENT CARTER VISIT

ISRAELI SECURITY FORCE SHIN BET MOBILIZES, PREPARES FOR 'ANY ATTACK CARTER MAY CARRY OUT'

McCAIN ADDRESSES AGE ISSUE

SAYS EXPERT'S 'CAMPAIGN-STRESSED AGE EQUIVALENT' OF 142 YRS OLD IS 'OFF BY AT LEAST TWENTY YEARS'

OBAMA, CLINTON HONOR MLK JR IN MEMPHIS

CANDIDATES INSIST THEY ALSO HAVE A DREAM

SEN. OBAMA CONTINUES TO COLLECT KEY ENDORSEMENTS

ENJOYS LATEST SUPPORT FROM JANE FONDA, MULLAH OMAR

McCAIN SEEKS SUPPORT FROM HAWKISH CONSERVATIVES

SAYS HE CAN FORSEE STAYING IN IRAQ 'FOR A HUNDRED, MAYBE HUNDREDS, OR HUNDREDS OF THOUSAND YEARS'

HILLARY: I MISSPOKE ABOUT BOSNIA SNIPER FIRE

CLINTON SAYS MISPLACED MEMORY WAS OF WHITE HOUSE FIGHT WITH BILL, NOT LANDING IN HAIL OF GUNFIRE

HILLARY: BARACK IS INNOCENT IN SPITE OF ASSOCIATION WITH HATEFUL WRIGHT

CLINTON: MEDIA USING PASTOR'S RAMBLINGS TO SHAMELESSLY DRAW ATTENTION TO BARACK'S INEXPERIENCE, DRUG USE, AND RADICAL ISLAMIC SCHOOLING

OBAMA DENOUNCES MINISTER

CALLS WRIGHT 'A CLOSE FRIEND, A TRUSTED ADVISER, BUT A DIVISIVE ACTIVIST WHO I'VE OCCASIONALLY CHUCKLED AT'

MEDIA SCRUTINIZES OBAMA'S MINISTER

CNN ON REV. JEREMIAH WRIGHT'S ANTI-AMERICAN, ANTI-SEMETIC, ANTI-WHITE RAVINGS: 'THOSE THOUGHTS BEAR MERIT, WE NEED TO CONSIDER THEM MORE CAREFULLY'

SPITZER RESIGNS

NY GOV IN HEARTFELT APOLOGY: 'IT IS WHAT IT IS, EVERYONE WILL JUST HAVE TO GET OVER IT'

CLINTON-OBAMA WAR RAGES ON

SEN. McCAIN TAKES BREAK, VACATIONS IN 'MORE PEACEFUL' GAZA STRIP

TONE OF DEMOCRATIC RACE IMPROVES TO 'VISCIOUS'

OBAMA LAWYER: FL AND OH VOTERS ARE INTERFERRING IN PRIMARY PROCESS

HILLARY HINTS AT JOINT TICKET WITH OBAMA

FEMINISTS APPLAUD CLINTON'S DESIRE 'TO BE ON TOP'

OBAMA RAISES EXPECTATIONS FOR CLINTON

SAYS 'IF ANYONE IN TEXAS OR OHIO VOTES FOR ME, IT'S OVER FOR HER'

CLINTON VOWS TO PRESS ON

SAYS MOMENTUM ON HER SIDE REGARDLESS OF 12 STRAIGHT PRIMARY LOSSES AND BEING DESPISED BY MOST DEMOCRATS

'UNDERDOG' GOP PREPS FOR GENERAL ELECTION FIGHT

REPUBLICANS WEIGH STRATEGIES OF ATTACK AGAINST CANDIDATES OBAMA, McCAIN

MASSIVE POWER OUTAGES HIT FLORIDA

FLORIDA POWER CO: BLACKOUT CAUSED BY OVERWHELMING INTERNET DEMAND FOR PICS OF OBAMA IN AL QUEDA GARB

HILLARY CHASTISES STAFF FOR RELEASE OF OBAMA PHOTO

SEN. CLINTON: 'I WAS PERSONALLY OUTRAGED WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT MY STAFF HAD LEAKED THAT UNDOCTORED PHOTO OF BARACK IN AN ISLAMIC TERRORIST-TYPE HEADDRESS'

HILLARY RUNNING OUT OF STRATEGIES

CLINTON CAMPAIGN INSIDER: ONLY REMAINING OPTIONS ARE PULLING SEN. OBAMA'S HAIR, PLACING FLAMING DOG DROPPINGS AT FRONT DOOR

McCAIN LOOKS TO BALANCE AGE, IDEOLOGY WITH VEEP PICK

MAY CHOSE 12 YR OLD PRESIDENT OF DALLAS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL'S YOUNG REBULICAN CLUB AS RUNNING MATE

CLINTON CAMPAIGN 'PLEASANTLY SURPRISED' BY GOOD NEWS

HILLARY GREETS 'GOOD NEWS' THAT LATEST OBAMA RALLY DRAWS THOUSANDS, BUT FAILS TO BREAK ANOTHER RECORD

SUPPORTERS OF OBAMA'S ORATORICAL SKILLS FILL ARENA

SAY THEY 'LOVE THE PASSION WITH WHICH BARACK RECITES THE WORDS OF HIS SPEECH WRITER'

CLINTON: 'OBAMA'S RHETORIC ISN'T HIS OWN, IT'S MINE, PLAGERIZED'

SEN. OBAMA ANSWERS CHARGE, SAYS 'HILLARY'S RHETORIC ISN'T HER OWN, IT'S MINE, PLAGERIZED'

FIDEL CASTRO RESIGNS POWER

DECEASED CUBAN DICTATOR CEDES POWER, CITES DESIRE TO 'SPEND MORE TIME IN MY GRAVE'

McCAIN ANSWERS TOWN HALL ATTENDEE'S CONCERN ABOUT HIS TEMPER

SEN. McCAIN: '%#@!& YOUR %$#@& YOU &$@#(^% AND #$$^%^ TEMPER, YOU #@$^@!#%'

SEN. OBAMA SPEAKS OUT ON ILLINOIS CAMPUS MASSACRE

FRONT-RUNNING DEMOCRAT PLEDGES TO DO 'WHATEVER IT TAKES TO ELIMINATE GUNS, AND I GUESS GUN VIOLENCE'

PENTAGON PREPARES TO SHOOT DOWN CLINTON CAMPAIGN

SPOKESMAN: 'WITH THAT THING FLOATING UNCONTROLLABLY OUT IN SPACE, THE POSSIBILITY OF IT CRASHING TO EARTH POSES A SIGNIFICANT RISK TO OUR PLANET'

OBAMA LASHES OUT AT 'BELOW-THE-BELT TACTICS'

SEN. CLINTON SAYS REFERENCE TO SEN. OBAMA AS 'JESSE HUSSEIN JACKSON' WAS HONEST MISTAKE

CLINTON FACES LOSS OF ENTIRE LIFE'S HOPES AND DREAMS IN POTOMAC PRIMARIES

ONLY AVAILABLE REMAINING STRATEGIES INCLUDE WEATHER MANIPULATION OR INVENTION OF TIME MACHINE

U.N. EXPRESSES 'CONCERN' OVER U.S. PRESIDENTIAL RACE

U.N. SECURITY COUNCIL WARNS: HILLARY CLINTON MAY BE 'WEEKS AWAY' FROM ACQUIRING, USING WMD